This past week or so has been very intense for me. Not so much extreme pressure or emotion, but it seems that everything is subtly tearing, pushing, and pulling me, and I feel as though that in itself can be even more excruciating. The killer is more effective when silent.
I don’t mean to sound morbid…but it does seem as if things are falling around me. I spoke in my last post about I guy I knew from the 2009 SMDEP Columbia program dying. Although we were never really close, and I never stayed in contact, the sudden shock of hearing of his passing has made a true impact upon my life. I mean... I’ve never experienced such closeness with death before. And this is not to say that I’m depressed or mentally unstable or anything, but it’s more a quiet reverence. And I just woke up from that teenage invincibility phase. I realized that… today may be my last day here, and therefore, I must make a difference.
To make things worse... the organization that I know and love is on the brink of closing. I have been a participant with the Charlotte Coalition for Social Justice for almost 5 years now, volunteering, and now, I am a summer Intern. I think the work that they do is amazing. It is extremely sad... the Charlotte Community is loosing a VERY valuable organization. Many students will not only be hurt, but it will be EVEN HARDER for teenagers like myself to find a place where they will be accepted as they are; a place where they can come and talk about issues they can’t discuss in school; to meet and network with other youth from the community etc. It’s harder for students to find safe places like that in Charlotte…I just hope that the spirit of activism stays alive here. I know I will take it with me back to Saint Louis, but I’m more worried about the students here, who will be left without that central location….
Anyway, the dire situation with this organization has resulted in me temporarily suspending my research on mental health disparities. I think it is critical now that I devote all of my efforts to saving this organization, making the transition from operation to non more successful, making sure that the final program, ANYTOWN, is a success, and that the organization’s spirit remains alive, even when it is not physically centrally located. It’s a struggle, and a process, but every cloud has a silver lining. That is that the (temporary) closing of this organization really hits home with students that activism is not tied to an organization, but it is something that is within us all, particularly those who have attended ANYTOWN in the past. We must take the tools we learned and USE THEM!
While ALL of this was occurring in my life, I have been FURIOUSLY working on my second research update for my fellowship. Although I should have been reading throughout the month, it has been jam packed with stuff. I’ve been trying to cram my reading, note-taking, and paper-writing, within the last week. Surprisingly, I have been quite effective. I am staying up tonight to finish my annotated bibliography and to construct my update email, but everything else is pretty much completed. I should work this efficiently every week! Just imagine what I would get done! I think I have done well over all though, staying on top of my research game while everything else has been happening.
Anyway... it’s been a trial, but spilling my blood, sweat and tears over these projects is going to have a tremendous impact on my life in the long run. Both are things I am truly passionate about.
This stuff has made for a memorable summer, but I have learned so much about myself as a leader... hopefully this trend will continue into the school year.
Well, I think that’s enough lamentation and complaining for today. Hopefully in my next post, I will be a little more optimistic.
--Until Next Time!
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